Thank God for memories because not being able to be there with each of them is the hardest thing on earth for me! I’m proud of each one of you. But not being able to attend birthdays like the one your about to have Hadley is hell on a dads soul. Missing school functions, sports practices and games absolutely brutal on a fathers heart. #dadlife since 2001 when you were born McKenzie hasn’t happened, 2004 since yu were born austin hasn’t happened , 2009 for you addyson I’m sorry I missed out.

Now 2019 and your gonna be 3 tomorrow breaks my heart I can’t share your special day with you. #bestdaddyever how can I be when I never get to see my kids. I’m so sorry for serving my country from 1998-2018 even sorriest since I retired in 2018 till now I had to over come 100lbs weight gained 26 prescriptions anxiety depression insomnia ptsd . Because even though it’s been 3.5yrs since pills, over 2 since cannabis, over 1 since I had my last drink almost 9 months no CBD it was I can’t even celebrate #SoberDad with you. All I can do is hope and pray one day I will be reunited and you do say I love you , you do call me the best daddy ever. Till then all I can do is pray. Continue to live sober, and be thankful for the memories… because this dad is nothing without GOD and his kids Family is the reason why when I retired I said babe all I want is more familytime and to be sober. Unfortunately a third divorce has rocked my world because I believe and standing beside eachother when we are struggling I believe in United Family not divided co parenting… I’m sorry for all the time lost. I just pray you for give me as your father one day and love me as your dad.

O Lord our God, creator of heaven and earth, and our creator: I give you thanks and praise for the gift of these kids of mine . I thank you for creating him & 3 her’s in your image, and breathing into him & my her’s the breath of life. Lastly, the Bible says that God is love. We are His children, and He is our Heavenly Father; He cares for us. We must pray to God to let our children know this, to know that I love them as much as God Loves is, to believe this, and find peace in this, knowing that God loves them too. And so does DAD!

PS GOD one day let me enjoy a birthday please… I’m so tired of missing out on so much life. #DADLivesMatter